ifreckling

네 맘 속에 이제 난 더 이상 없는 거니?

ifreckling — Fri, 01 Oct 2010 06:00:18 +0000

내가 준 신발을 신고 그녀와 길을 걷고. 아무렇지 않게 그녀와 kiss하고. 내가 준 향술 뿌리고 그녀를 품에 안고. 나와 했던 그 약속 또 다시 하겠죠. 우린 이미 늦었나 봐요. 우리 사랑 끝난 건가요? 아무 말이라도 좀 내게 해줘요. 우리 정말 사랑했잖아 되돌릴 순 없는 건가요. 오늘 밤 나만이 아파요. 변했니? 네 맘 속에 이제 난 더 이상 없는 거니? 난 널- 널 생각하며 너무 아파. 아무것도 아니란 듯 내 눈물 바라보고. 태연 하게 말을 또 이어가고. 아니란 말 못 하겠다도 그 어떤 미련도. 후회도 전혀 없다고 잔인하게 말했죠. 우린 이미 늦은 건가요? 우리 사랑 끝난 건가요? 거짓말이라도 좀 아니라고 해줘요. 이젠 더 잘할 수 있는데. 다시 만날 수는 없지만. 오늘 밤 나만이 아파요. 변했니? 네 맘 속에 이제 난 더 이상 없는 거니? 난 널- 널 생각하며 너무 아파. 더 이상 네가 예전의 네가 아니야. 내가 사랑한 너와 지금의 네가 너무나 달라서. 그저 멍하니 멀어지는 널 바라보고만 서서 울었어. No way; I can’t recognize. You’re not mine anymore. 변해야 했니? 돌아올 순 없니? 꼭변해야 했니? 돌아올 순 없니? 변해야 했니? 돌아올 순 없니? 왜변해야 했니? 계속 사랑할 순 없니? 끝인 거니? 네 맘 속에 이제 난 더 이상 없는 거니? 난 널- 널 생각하면 너무 아파.

My God is An AWESOME God.

ifreckling — Fri, 23 Apr 2010 03:54:06 +0000

Last weekend was my retreat for my Personal Spiritual Formation class.

It was such an amazing weekend and I praise God that even though this class brought me so much anguish and annoyance throughout this semester, I stuck it out [He didn't let me escape it] so that I could experience such an amazing weekend.
Through this past weekend, I was able to see all that He has done for me in this past semester and just how everything that’s happened has just helped everything build up to be an amazing end of the semester.

The retreat brought forth many things that needed to be grieved and many things that needed to be dealt with. Because of this retreat, I was able to bury the roots of bitterness that had been finding a home in my heart and growing comfortable there. God revealed himself to me and I realized that through all the crap that happened this past semester, He’s brought me through to the end to see that light at the end of the tunnel and the treasures He had waiting for me there.

He revealed to me all the healing works that He’s done that I was too busy and caught up in other things to realize.

All these things go from grieving my dad and the guilt and the shame that I had hidden in my heart because of his death and to Kevin and not being able to let go of the friendship or whatever… my feelings for him.. everything.

ahh.. I’m losing my train of thought…

either way… My God is An AWESOME God.

Timeless.

ifreckling — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 07:24:11 +0000

SGWannabe;Timeless.
I really like this song.

Strong Heart.

ifreckling — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 05:05:55 +0000

I’ve been so obsessed with Strong Heart lately. For those who don’t know what that is… it’s a korean variety show and it’s hilarious. Sadly… as good as my korean may be.. it only takes me so far. Without english subs, I understand 99% but hate that 1% where people are telling jokes with words I don’t know… in which case, I miss the whole point of the joke so.. I’m waiting for episode 6 to be released with subs… hopefully this will happen soon!!!

Need.

ifreckling — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 09:56:46 +0000

I need something new. I need something old. I need to take it back a bit, listen, chill out, step aside, and stop. It’s not that I’m particularly busy or that I’m always on the go or whatever. However, what I need to do is just stop and chill and, as cheesy as this may sound, listen for that Voice. It’s been so long and I cannot even tell you when I first walked into the desert. It’s become indifference and it’s become a front and it’s become something else and I’ve become something else that’s totally not me. I don’t know when it started and I don’t know how it started but, I do know that whatever it was and whenever it was, it’s changed me. It turned me into a person that the “old me” would not even recognize, so to speak. It’s gotten to that point where I stop and have to ask myself… CONSTANTLY…. by this, I mean, a few…. MANY times a day “WHATTTT is going onnnnnnnnnnn?!?!” I’m stepping into dangerous territory and I don’t have a good feeling about it. I’m straying farther and farther away from what I know is right, from what I know can help me, save me. But, it’s that pull. The pull has got that hold on me. I need help but am unwilling to accept it because I’ve so much as put on that front and fooled even myself into thinking that nothing’s changed and I’m still that same person.

This is just not true and there is need for a change…. a GREAT change and it needs to come quick… If not, there’s no telling what can and most probably will happen in that time.

넌 나의 노래

ifreckling — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 04:05:49 +0000

눈을 감으면 들려오는 소리들 그대의 마음을 그대의 작은 생각들을 내 맘의 많은 잡음 때문에 듣지 못 했었나 봐 미안해 미안해 눈물의 시간이 이젠 history 걱정하지마 Because You’re my melody 너를 연주할께 On & On (and on & on & on) 넌 나의 노래 내 삶의 사운드트랙 인생의 무댈 밝혀주는 너를 사랑해 또 불러줄래 넌 나의 노래 I’m sorry 란 말을 하기 싫었던 자존심 많았던 너무도 맘이 가난했던 내 영혼이 말라가고 있을 때 모든게 무너질 때 내게 와줄레 슬픔의 시간도 노래처럼 꼭 끝이 있는걸 Because It’s your love, your love 내게 사랑을 들려주던 (and on & on & on) 그댄 나의 리듬 내 삶의 선물 늘 항상 곁에서 아름다운 꿈이 되어줘 또 불러줄래 넌 나의 노래 수 없이도 많은 sad love songs 우릴 노래하는 것 같아도 이 순간 내 곁을 지켜주는 그댄 무엇보다 소중한걸요 눈을 감으면 들려오는 소리들 그대의 마음을 이젠 불러요.

Turn Away.

ifreckling — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 03:25:14 +0000

The last week of classes is here………. I feel like there’s so much work that I have to do.. but, that may be because there is a lot of work that I have to do…. so, doesn’t that just make it the perfect time for me to stress about something other than school? -_- This is just so freakin’ perfect. -_-

I was home for the weekend and…. my face started to finally clear up.. and then I woke up this morning and it looks like… a fracken war on my face. so sad… so sad…

I cannot wait until finals are over… I don’t know how I feel about this semester… the semester was…. interesting, I suppose.. and you can take that however way you want, I guess.

In other news… I’m pretty much… empty. Empty in many ways… you can take that however you’d like also… I’m empty…
so.. i’m asking that You’d please fill me up.

So Tired.

ifreckling — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 21:30:53 +0000

This whole week was just hectic…. I definitely did not get enough sleep and… I can’t enjoy today because I have just one more assignment that’s keeping me from enjoying my weekend. Man, wordpress, I apologize. I’ve been so fracken flaky.

Thanksgiving break was last week and it was good. ahaha

I went to visit Deb in Wburg… sad that I didn’t take any pictures.
Met with Amanda on Tuesday… making it our only hang out for the whole week which was… pretty pathetic.
Samgyupsal party with post-grads was fun…. and uneventful.
Thanksgiving day was… well, interesting. I didn’t eat as much as I though I would and…. I did not have any leftovers the next day. Surprising, I know.
Friday? Deb Chae’s surprise at church and dinner… and dessert with some other church pplz.
Saturday… Live Worship. I liked. I saw Pastor James for the first time in a long time and it was so good to see him. Tim Ahn was there too!!! They were promoting GKYM conference which I am really looking forward to. It was so good to see them because I hadn’t seen them since high school… especially Pastor James, I don’t think I’ve seen him since like junior year.
Sunday, church… back at school…

and then… this hellish week started. ahahah
it’s almost over now.

sigh…. one week of classes and one week of finals is all that keeps me now from a month of… maybe work? idk…
Wordpress, it’s been a while and I’m glad to be back.

WordPress is not overrated.

ifreckling — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 07:00:50 +0000

There are so many “blogs” and such out there and…. just saying…. wordpress is not overrated.

Sigh…. I should be working on a paper… but, I honestly feel no motivation to do so because it’s not really due until I get back from school. Grrrrrrr

You&I.

ifreckling — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 09:12:00 +0000

I’m totally obsessed with Park Bom’s new single “You and I”. Man, my first time listening to it… I was just sorta like “eh… it’s catchy…” and then a few weeks later, I watched the video again while reading the lyrics and wowowow….. we have my new favorite song. This is one of those favorite songs that I put on repeat on my iTunes and I won’t tire of it for a while…. I’m listening to it any moment possible. I don’t know what it is about this song.

Eh.. Idk… I’m feeling more of a somber mood lately? Eh… Idk… a shout for Debby Webby… I miss you so much and… I feel like there is soooo much to tell you… it’s been so long since we’ve last seen each other and talked. And can only wait so long… sigh.. hopefully next week flies by and I’m on Thanksgiving break, making you lunch.

On a different note…. I want to be a better sister to my brother. I don’t want to be the mean older sister who’s always just “eh… yeah? so?” I want to be the caring older sister who encourages and does good and is good for her little brother because I know I’m better than just the “eh… yeah? so? what’s your point?” I feel like it’s so hard for me because as much as I say I want to.. it’s all I’ve really ever known… that’s the kind of sister I had and it’s hard to not be that way with him when it’s all I’ve known. I will say this though: I love having theological talks with my brother….. if you can call it that.. ahahah I love it because he’s so curious to know more and more and he’s so hungry for knowledge… worldly knowledge, wisdom, Scriptural knowledge. He’s always questioning and googling everything. He comes to ask me questions when he’s confused about something he’s read because he knows I’m studying this stuff. It’s so refreshing to see that he’s so thirsty for the knowledge and… I’m starting to admire my little brother again. I remember there was a time.. in about my last year of high school where I admired and looked up to my little brother. He was so passionate for the church and so hungry to know God more and so filled with the desire to spend all his time with God. I was so proud and so humbled by my little brother who was so eager to love and be loved by God. I want to be that sister who encourages him to go above and beyond because he can do it. To not be ashamed and to not be afraid. I want to be the sister who pushes him to go for what he really wants to do because she knows that he knows that he can do anything and everything. I want to be the sister who loves her brother wholeheartedly and stops picking fights with him for stupid, silly, infantile reasons.

sigh…….. God, may You make me out to be the woman that You have created me to be.
my one and only, my Sustainer.